Introducing our new column, the Light Roller, in which Alan Gardner applies a we-need-to-exploit-the-cracks attitude to the game. First up, he goes where all the cricketers are at: social media.
If there's one thing the internet needs right now, it's another wry, self-referential sideways glance at the (non-)events of the day. That's what we assume our editors were thinking when signalling for the Light Roller - though, who knows, it could equally be seen as a reminder that standards must be maintained amid rumours that certain unnamed fellow Briefings have "lost their edge" and "spend all day making Instagram Stories about their cooking".
But we're not here to start a playground squabble. It's not big and it's not clever… and neither is [Ed: all right, that's enough]. Besides, we're all on the lookout for positive narratives in these uncertain times. And if social distancing has led to a reliance on social media, we've never felt closer to David Warner.
Yes, plenty of folk went into lockdown cheerfully expressing the hope that they would put the free time at home to good use - learn a new language, pick up an instrument, memorise every bit of dialogue from The Office. While few of us have come close to actually realising such goals, there has been a standout success story: Warner may have surpassed Bradman during the Aussie summer, but he can now be proclaimed the Don of TikTok too, after taking to the new(ish) format with all the gusto that he once reserved for barking at opponents like an enraged Pomeranian in the field.
It's just one of the many things no one saw coming in recent months. But the signs were there, if we'd only cared to look. Back in March, referring to one of those light-hearted graphics about what you might get up to in quarantine and with whim (birth month plus last digit of phone number), Warner tweeted: "Me and Kane Williamson doing TikTok videos." A few days later he added: "Running out of idea of what to do in the house." From that point, it was just a matter of, well, tick following tock…
And doesn't time fly? Since pronouncing in mid-April that he had "zero idea what's going on but have been told to do tik tok by my 5yr old", Warner has posted 39 videos on his account, and gone from "zero followers" to 2.7m. His videos have been liked more than 28m times. The output has been prolific, the range impressive: family-friendly stuff involving dancing with his kids, lip-syncing to classic Indian movie scenes (for the IPL fan base), and even a #fliptheswitch effort that involved getting togged up in his wife Candice's triathlon swimsuit - which, by Warner's own standards, was only mildly disturbing.
Meanwhile, Williamson, who was one of the breakout social-media success stories of lockdown with an Instagram video of his dog Sandy catching a ball in the slips, has been left in the distance - doubtless ruing his missed opportunity to board the Davey train. If you're outdoing Williamson in the wholesome entertainment stakes, things must be going all right.
How did we get here? From the Bull to the Reverend and back again, Warner's reinvention as the Jester has been confusing for many (and that's before we get to those who still don't know what TikTok is). Oddest of all, Warner's self-deprecatory antics have genuinely helped make the last few weeks that bit more bearable. Yep, this is how far we've come. David Warner playing percussion on his head with a tea tray gets us through the day. The new normal is going to take some getting used to.
Don't mention the Waugh
Even before Warner's rebranding, Australia have been attempting to stress that they are less XXXX and more XOXO these days. The Test was so squeaky clean you could eat your dinner off it (except for the Love Café stuff, that was filth). But don't worry, there's still quite a bit of baggy-green baggage on the carousel - and luckily ESPNcricinfo's stats boys were on hand last week to fish out some old laundry. Predictably, it didn't take long for Shane Warne to seize on the news that Steve Waugh, his old captain, was in possession of an unfortunate record when it came to running out his batting partners, and this is, of course, how it should be. Warne was never much about the variations, instead preferring a repetitive and claustrophobic assault on the senses (an approach some might argue he has carried into his work as a commentator). For his part, Waugh packed away the hook years ago and wasn't going to play at this one. But, for a brief while, wasn't it nice to remember the way we once were?